Ask a Grandpa
Our church’s youth groups are broken up by age, of course, and have group meetings and activities alternating with small group meetings. The church tries hard to keep things working appropriately, with careful selection of material and trying to make sure the leaders are good.
I attended a few youth groups in churches long ago. What the leaders wanted to discuss didn’t always seem to tie in closely with what I wanted to know about.
I know now that some of that mismatch was due to ignorance on my part, and some to the difficulty in explaining the faith to groups with wildly divergent levels of preparedness while simultaneously trying to herd bored cats.
I created a curriculum to cover the basics, and am trying to clean it up and see if I can try it out somehow. More on that later.
Individualizing Instruction
I wonder if having one-on-one question and answer sessions available would be useful for some of the students. This doesn’t replace the usual group and small group activities, but supplements them.
Imagine an “Ask a Grandpa” (or Grandma, of course) table: an older adult sitting at a table off in the corner, far enough from the others to be private but not so far that it feels like effort to walk over to talk to them during the before/after socializing time.
You would have two tables, one in one corner with a “Grandpa” and one in another with a “Grandma.”
A boy moseys over to the table and asks whatever is on his mind. The “Grandpa” answers, as plainly as he can, as though this was his own grandson. This “Grandpa” is safe: he isn’t going to tell the boy’s parents.
Why do something like this?
1) We have a lot of experience, and some wisdom, that we don’t draw from in the church. We’re supposed to have the older teach the younger. Maybe we can tap that pool this way.
2) People often have questions they don’t want to ask in public--too simple, too embarrassing, just uncomfortable for some reason. One on one talks, with someone friendly who does not have authority over you, seems like a non-threatening way to get the questions stated and maybe answered.
3) Good counsel, given to a group, may sink in, but doesn’t usually seem to. When you actually want the counsel, you listen. This plan should make it easily available when needed.
Interaction types
Just spit-balling, I can think of several likely kinds of interactions. In no particular order:
A) The boy chickens out and doesn’t actually ask anything important. The “Grandpa” doesn’t push, and the boy drifts back to his group.
B) The boy tries to be a smart-alec and asks a “Have you stopped beating your wife” or gross question. The “Grandpa” has to exercise patience.
C) The boy has serious family or friend or other problems that really need a trained counselor. “Grandpa” isn’t one. “Grandpa” can make suggestions.
D) The boy has a problem that has serious legal consequences that “Grandpa” may be legally required to report (e.g. abuse).
E) The boy has a question that “Grandpa” can, or can’t answer. He answers, or suggests a referral, or offers to look it up.
F) The boy wants counsel about something that “Grandpa” has experience or observations about. “Grandpa” gives observations. Does he tell the boy what to do? Only if it is clear-cut. What he brings to the table is observations and an understanding of why some course of action will have certain consequences. “Grandpa” can explain why extramarital sex is a bad idea because he has seen its damage. Perhaps “the Bible says so” should be good enough, but the kids don’t always find that compelling. Neither do adults.
G) The boy wants to vent about something, and needs an ear to listen. What “Grandpa” does will depend on whether he thinks the venting is useful or manipulative.
H) The boy is bored with the group activities and wants an excuse to get out of it. “Grandpa” can figure this out pretty quickly.
I) The boy hopes that prayer will help him. “Grandpa” will pray with him.
I think this could be helpful, if you got the right people.
Vetting
What do you look for in this kind of “Grandpa?”
Experience. Patience. Good character. Wisdom. Integrity and honesty. Tact. Devout.
What do you want to screen out?
Sex predators (No contact outside the venue). Disciple-seekers (Short-term relationship, not a mentor role). Sermon-izers (They already hear these). Go-along/We’re all OK types (The kids need truth). Somebody who gets bored easily. Somebody who talks too much. Somebody who just doesn’t seem to communicate with kids well.
Preparation
The rules for volunteers should be pretty simple.
The questions they get may not be. The current youth group leaders probably have some idea of what the hard problems will be (and some are very hard — I’m on the prayer team for the youth ministries), and can provide a list of resources to suggest.
A list of common questions/answers might be handy — some kids pick up on tricky theological questions. If “Grandpa” doesn’t know the answer and it’s not in the list, the right answer is “I can look it up or ask for you if you want.”
Logistics could be a problem. Are there places where one could put a private but still publicly visible table? Do we have volunteers who aren’t authorities in the church? (Kids might balk at asking the pastor/priest some kinds of questions.)
How To Know How Well It Works?
If after a number of months nobody avails themselves of the opportunity, that’s probably an indicator that we’re wasting time with this. The concept might take a bit of getting used to, so we have to give it a little time.
If all of the contacts are smart-alecs and other abusers, we’re probably wasting time, and more exposure probably won’t help.
If the volunteers report plenty of contacts and good questions, we have an answer.
These are, of course, purely human metrics. It might reach just one child, and that have eternal consequences. We’ve no way to know, so we’re stuck with human metrics and praying that God guides us.